I have had a couple of people call me lately and ask me if I would do an A&E-style intervention with a loved one. My response? Absolutely not, and here is why.
I have actually never seen the show Intervention on A&E. My understanding of the show and what is a drug/alcohol intervention: A group of family members and a professional get together to confront a loved one about their addictive behavior and try to get them into treatment. The family and the professional usually try to force the person into treatment through ultimatums or some other coercive action.
First, let's talk about the word "intervention" to clear up confusion because it has a different meaning to mental health professionals. For psychologists and licensed counselors, an intervention is either a type of therapy, or a component of a therapy, that is intended to bring change to a persons' mental health functioning. In the psychology world, someone would asked me, "What interventions are most helpful for people with drug and alcohol problems?" and my response would be, "One intervention that is effective for people with drug and alcohol problems is Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT)," or, "Helping clients change irrational beliefs about their drug use," which is a more specific intervention that is a part of REBT. So if you call and ask me to do an intervention with your loved one, my brain says, "What type of intervention are you talking about? The A&E-style intervention or an intervention that is really therapy and backed by research?"
Second, I was not trained in school or through continuing education courses to do the A&E-style intervention, and I am not going to provide a service I am not trained to do. I do not know any mental health professionals who are actually trained in and provide these types of interventions. Please let me know if you are one! Furthermore, I have heard that when these interventions occur in real life, catastrophes can happen, such as the person with the addictive behavior storming out, getting high, and overdosing. Ain't no way in hell I am going to be a part of that.
Third, we have to remember that reality TV is not real. I am not going to invalidate the shows' participants and their experiences, but we have no way of knowing what is true and what is fabricated by producers for ratings.
Fourth, forcing someone into doing something and giving ultimatums rarely works and rarely produces long-term change.
Third, we have to remember that reality TV is not real. I am not going to invalidate the shows' participants and their experiences, but we have no way of knowing what is true and what is fabricated by producers for ratings.
Fourth, forcing someone into doing something and giving ultimatums rarely works and rarely produces long-term change.
So how do you get a loved one into treatment? Here is what you can do:
1. Do your research before you confront the person. There are usually several facilities and providers in your area that offer drug and alcohol treatment, including residential care, detox services, and outpatient services. Outpatient services may include individual therapy, group therapy, or both. Check local churches who sponsor AA, NA, and other 12-step meetings. Recovery.org is a great site to discover local treatment options. SMART Recovery, an organization with a non-12-step approach to recovery, also provides valuable information about addictive behaviors and how you can support someone in treatment.
2. Pick a time to talk with the person. A simple, "I have something on my mind I would like to talk with you about. You are not in trouble. When can we talk?" will work. This way the person does not feel backed into a corner and has a choice when, whether, and how to respond to you.
3. Assert yourself in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way. This part is so important. Do not call the person names or labels such as druggie, addict, loser, deadbeat, etc. "I" statements work wonders here. Convey a tone of curiosity.
"I found X drug/needles in your car/clothes/room. I would like to know more."
"Call me paranoid, but I have this suspicion about your drug/alcohol use. I'm wondering if you have been using X or drinking more than usual."
"I have noticed you have lost/gained a lot of weight recently, and I'm worried about your health since you started using/drinking."
4. Make this a "we" problem. Let the person know you are in this together with them. Ask, "What can we do to get you clean and sober?" For more ideas on how to start a collaborative conversation, click the link for an awesome user-friendly guide of Motivational Interviewing techniques.
5. Give them options. "There are several places and people that help people with addictive behaviors. Would you be willing to check any of them out?"
"I found some information about places that help people with addictive behaviors. I will leave this here for you to read."
6. Accept that they may not own up to their drug/alcohol use and go into treatment. If your loved one is not concerned about their drug/alcohol use, then they are not going to get help. If this person is an adult you cannot force them into treatment. If your response to this is, "How do I make them see they have a problem?" remember you cannot make anybody do anything. You can influence someone, but ultimately that person has to come to their own conclusion that their use is a problem. Make a plan of action beforehand and discuss what you are going to do and not do if the person decides not to seek help at this time. Remember that just because they are not seeking help today does not mean they will not seek help tomorrow. Be prepared to follow through with an ultimatum if you are going to give one. Do not threaten to kick your loved one out of the home if you cannot face the fact that this will leave them homeless.
7. Seek therapy for yourself. I love working with the families of people with addictive behaviors just as much as I love working with people with addictive behaviors. You may be feeling stressed, betrayed, let down, ashamed, and like an awful spouse/parent/sibling/daughter/son. Having a positive support system is paramount for your loved ones' recovery, and it will be hard for you to provide that support if you are operating from a place of hurt, disgust, and shame.
1. Do your research before you confront the person. There are usually several facilities and providers in your area that offer drug and alcohol treatment, including residential care, detox services, and outpatient services. Outpatient services may include individual therapy, group therapy, or both. Check local churches who sponsor AA, NA, and other 12-step meetings. Recovery.org is a great site to discover local treatment options. SMART Recovery, an organization with a non-12-step approach to recovery, also provides valuable information about addictive behaviors and how you can support someone in treatment.
2. Pick a time to talk with the person. A simple, "I have something on my mind I would like to talk with you about. You are not in trouble. When can we talk?" will work. This way the person does not feel backed into a corner and has a choice when, whether, and how to respond to you.
3. Assert yourself in a non-blaming, non-judgmental way. This part is so important. Do not call the person names or labels such as druggie, addict, loser, deadbeat, etc. "I" statements work wonders here. Convey a tone of curiosity.
"I found X drug/needles in your car/clothes/room. I would like to know more."
"Call me paranoid, but I have this suspicion about your drug/alcohol use. I'm wondering if you have been using X or drinking more than usual."
"I have noticed you have lost/gained a lot of weight recently, and I'm worried about your health since you started using/drinking."
4. Make this a "we" problem. Let the person know you are in this together with them. Ask, "What can we do to get you clean and sober?" For more ideas on how to start a collaborative conversation, click the link for an awesome user-friendly guide of Motivational Interviewing techniques.
5. Give them options. "There are several places and people that help people with addictive behaviors. Would you be willing to check any of them out?"
"I found some information about places that help people with addictive behaviors. I will leave this here for you to read."
6. Accept that they may not own up to their drug/alcohol use and go into treatment. If your loved one is not concerned about their drug/alcohol use, then they are not going to get help. If this person is an adult you cannot force them into treatment. If your response to this is, "How do I make them see they have a problem?" remember you cannot make anybody do anything. You can influence someone, but ultimately that person has to come to their own conclusion that their use is a problem. Make a plan of action beforehand and discuss what you are going to do and not do if the person decides not to seek help at this time. Remember that just because they are not seeking help today does not mean they will not seek help tomorrow. Be prepared to follow through with an ultimatum if you are going to give one. Do not threaten to kick your loved one out of the home if you cannot face the fact that this will leave them homeless.
7. Seek therapy for yourself. I love working with the families of people with addictive behaviors just as much as I love working with people with addictive behaviors. You may be feeling stressed, betrayed, let down, ashamed, and like an awful spouse/parent/sibling/daughter/son. Having a positive support system is paramount for your loved ones' recovery, and it will be hard for you to provide that support if you are operating from a place of hurt, disgust, and shame.
For additional help and information about addictive behaviors, check out my Books I Love section. I have seen so many people with addictive behaviors change their lives around, and I wish you the best in your and your loved ones' recovery. Please feel free to email me or call me if you would like my assistance in your recovery journey.